By Lillian Gaitho
Four years ago, I was agonizing a break up, of course while in your twenties you have a few of those, some of which you later realize were God sent – they paved way to a better you, and better tidings. But there always is that one person whose memories never really fade and especially when they pop up an engaged status on Face book! In a moment the days long gone come flowing back, and you can’t help wondering if dating you actually allowed them to marry someone else! You actually feel betrayed, how could someone you knew very well, and trusted so deep bend a knee for a stranger who (hopefully) will never measure up to what you two used to be! Well, that’s until they drop a save the date to your postal address! The world almost crumbles under your feet.
Take for instance Jayden, not even the veil of Ex Lovers turned platonic friends could conceal the immense treacherous feeling that engulfed him the morning that luminous clad rider dropped by his office with a turquoise package in red ribbons; Rachael was getting married, and yes, he was honorably invited to share in the joy of her connubial launch. The first instinct was to push the card further down the stack of files gathering dust by the office shelves, but that only reminded him of Rachael’s meticulous ways. That windowsill never knew dust until the lass deserted. Pretending to have never received the card would be a spineless act too.
Then without notice, the shock hastily morphed into an endless stream of sickening analysis threatening to blow off his already tortured brain; why the hell did she invite him anyway? Was it a prove to him that finally, she had found someone who’d proven more worth than the douche bag that was him, or did she silently pray that he would ask her not to do it and whisk her away just as the priest adjusted his robes to the task? Did she even really want him there? Why was the card clearly indicated as accommodating two guests? Was this a trap for him to make a fool of his self as the ever over- zealous Rachael measured his Fi against herself? Should he ‘honor’ the invite?
The extraordinary thing about receiving an invite from a former lover is, regardless of how you ended up things, whether you were tossed into the dumper or you pulled the red card does not matter; The unexplainable feeling of loss and defeat is evident even to the most unceremonious departures. The smitten will clearly hold no sexual claims on the ‘assailant’ having given up rights on each other long before they parted ways. When you go through the life circles and circus with someone holding on to you, you create intense memories that form the unique memory pad of your relationship. Others may hear about them, like the day you made a total clown of yourself at the karaoke night, or the day she burnt the fruitcake while trying to impress your mom! But no one will relate to the memories like you do, you even creatively develop a vocabulary only known to you. All this and more and any other sneaky thoughts you might have been toying with after your drunken stupors comes to an immediate close. From being a friend, lover and soul mate, they plaster on your memories the unappealing title of ‘this person I used to go out with’
So, after days of situation-analysis and post invite stratagem you finally decide to play loose with your past, break the nostalgic yoke and grace the event. Feeling noble and honorable, you even pass by the gift registry and peruse through their supposedly joint likes. Then something hits you: what role will you be playing at her wedding, how are you going to face her/his parents. Are they actually happy that its not you joining their family tree; after all they never even did much to camouflage their dislike for your old truck! How are you going to cope with all the stares and the silent whispers among the clueless guests, and good heavens, what if the devil, in all his wickedness tempts your mind into doing something silly, like raising your hands when the priest asks for any objecting parties? Bottom line, will you survive the event? Your new found solace in you being the best thing she never had begins to hit perilous lows. But you decide to go anyway.
Psyche seems to be your new mantra until you get that wicked stare from the grooms men gathered in a corner of the garden set up that inauspiciously reminds you of her meticulous way. They look at you and break into some mischievous Monalisa half-smile. For a moment, your knees buckle, could she have made a public joke of how you used to make weird noises in the height of your love making, what if they know, Jesus save your tortured soul! Is there really a comfortable stage in courtship when you can break wind and burp without the fear of a bitter kiss and tell ex?
As interesting as it sounds, most people confess to attaining closure as soon as they witness their former flame finally tie the knot with the newcomer. You pass your congratulation talk and chat away after her/his first dance, that is if new titleholder does not throw the dessert forks your way! At last, all the quivering departs your heart, and slowly it dawns to you why you and him/her could never have gone past the weekend visits. They are better off being someone else’s problem or passion!