On Issue 23, 2014
What really troubles most brides after all the prepping is done and the sun is up illuminating the launch of the happily-ever-after is not the permanence of marriage-which is actually the best part of the deal, its not if the trail will hook onto some invisible crack on the church pews, its not if you will foxtrot properly on your first dance, its not aunt Keziah’s big deal with anything alcoholic, it’s the tingling question: will I satisfy this man, is marriage sex any different, will I meet his standards?
Cynthia Otieno, CEO of Lamead Woman and a marriage counselor explains that your fears and inhibitions are the only aspects that will wipe out any doubts on your honeymoon bed, ‘The most attractive lingerie a woman can adorn is her smile and confidence. Do not by any chance ask him to switch off the lights’ Says Cynthia, ‘Complimenting and affirming your man’s body is very essential to building up his self-trust, let him know that his body turns you on, and just looking at him makes you want him!’
While on it, celebrate your body too and appreciate the power that’s veiled deep within you. A woman’s sexuality should not come across as frightening but rather as a sacred gift instated by the gods for reasons of pure merriment and satisfaction.
She goes on to explain that due to the drawing post wedding effects and the strangeness of the new setting, it is completely normal to feel uneasy. Do not blame yourself for not being the storybook perfect wife; there’s no expiry date to this night, all you need to do is relax and let the moment take over. Some couples wisely opt for a deep body massage oil with sensual oils that not only helps them relax but helps them break ice too in case of no prior experience.
Take advantage of all the Hollywood folklore in the surge of adrenaline a man experiences simply by undressing a woman! Allowing your husband to help you undress off the heavy layers of tulle and organza will not only save you the little energy left from your first night dance but will also boost your man’s ego, seeing unto the fact that he’s being helpful and his efforts are appreciated.
At this point, my mind goes back to this Indian tradition where during the Mendhi night or henna application ceremony, the prospective bride gets the first letter of her Fiancé’s name carefully drawn in the ebb of the intricate henna patterns. This paves way for the two to fool about as he tries to trace his initials all over her body. Before the shy maiden even realizes what they are on to, fore play will be happening!
Back to matters boudoir Cynthia also reveals another secret to overcoming the first night inhibition, “presentation is key; clean up and clean shave for him. Be sure to make him want you before he even touches you, let him desire you. Take a look at the mirror and say all the nice things about yourself, this is not the time to notice that streak of intractable cellulite snuggly finding comfort on your inner thighs. Chances are, he won’t even notice”
Cynthia also advises couples to discuss sex before their fast night. “Forget what your folks told you about sex being dirty, you are now in the zone.” Discuss your anxiety and reservations, this clears the air on what will/can be done and what are the no-go zones. Remember too that different people have different views on sex, for instance, if there are inhibitions on oral sex or anything experimental, do not insist as you might end up spoiling the moment. Both of you will grow into the role.
All said and done, remember men are said to be visual creatures, but a good sensual scent will last past the honeymoon memories. Invest in a good scent.
For marriage insights, Cynthia advises couples to come up with a love menu that encompass all their passionate desires, this will easily guide you in exploring your fantasies as you get used to each other.