Category Archives: Relationship and Marriage Advice

How to Avoid Fighting With Your Fiance Over the Holidays

The holidays are here with us and they are times to celebrate and have fun with family and loved ones. Traditions come to life and good times are to be had by all. But what happens after you have tied the knot and now the two families are forced to become one during the holidays?

A milestone in any romantic relationship is your first holiday together and making new memories to share in the years to come. Yet each individual has their own family and friends, along with customs and traditions that are near and dear to their heart.

Now, conversations and compromises are in order. To help things go smoothly and avoid any holiday tension,here are some of the things you must do to keep peace.

Communication is Key

It may seem like a now issue, but handling how to split the holidays can actually affect your relationship in the years to come. So if you find yourselves arguing or intentionally avoiding the uncomfortable task of planning how to spend the season, youll want to think again.

To start, recognize that while you each are forging a path for the future together, you both come from equally important families that may or may not have special traditions and you cant expect one another to simply leave them behind. Instead, find a balance.

A Learning Process

Whether your backgrounds are alike or similar, familiarize yourself with holiday customs, traditions, and recipes from each side. You may find that some lend themselves and this may ease in the compromises.

In most instances, people find themselves with a partner who was raised very similarly or perhaps very differently. We might have become attracted to and married someone with a very different background and initially felt eager to learn about that but when the holidays approach, we might find ourselves under more pressure from our own families and our partners for how to make this all come together.

If you have never missed a Christmas Eve away from your parents house, but for your partner the importance is more on Christmas Day problem solved. If, however, you both feel strongly about a specific day, it may be time rotate, split the day if distance allows, or forge ahead with an entirely new experience of your own.

Regardless of having to hammer out the details, the number one most important thing to keep in mind is that you should really be handling the holidays together.The worst thing that can happen is when one person decides it is all too much bother and too much work and says they will go on their own to see their own family. Doing so does not send the message to each other or to the respective families that the couple is in this together.

How to Find Solutions

What works for one couple may not work for you, but remember that there is always a solution.

Its also important to remember that whatever course of action you take this year does not dictate the future, nor does it set in stone how to proceed for every holiday season to come. Instead, view it as a trial and error experience. As a new couple, it is good to give yourselves the flexibility to borrow what works and then tweak and create brand new special traditions.

Keep in mind the reason for the season, after all when you feel that you are getting tense or stressed. Always remember that love, kindness and gratitude should be the driving force behind the holidays.

And don’t forget about self care. During the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, its important to take time for yourselves as a couple, too. While its easy to get lost in holiday plans and family gatherings, be sure to prioritize time dedicated to enjoying the new family you are creating together. This may involve going on a day trip somewhere new, going into nature, or taking a yoga class together.

It all boils down to compromise, communication and honesty. Handling the holidays gently, firmly, kindly and fairly for each other and in relationship to each persons family of origin goes a long way.

Practicing these skills now is also great practice for the futurefor example, when couples may go on to have children and will juggle demands for attention from grandparents and extended family and will need to set boundaries.

Its all part of the beautiful growing process that is being a couple in love. So, do your best to embrace this holiday season with an open mind and heart.

7 Tips to Keep the Flame Alive

1. Little Things that Mean the World

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It’s the little things that count. Pull a chair every so often, complement each other, open the door, hold hands and skip into the sunset; just the simple things that make you smile subconsciously as they play back in your mind. No need to break the bank to plant a gentle kiss on your lover’s forehead.

 

2. Relieve a Burdenshutterstock_57623743

Take the kids to your mother’s house and have the house to yourselves for the weekend.  Prepare a continental dinner together, light some candles, create a sensual ambiance with some slow, romantic ballads, play some games and just engage in reconnecting. Cuddling and drowning into each other’s deepest thoughts is truly wholesome.

 

3. Out and Aboutshutterstock_54658081

Pack a little bag and go for a drive to wherever the road takes you. Make a stop in the middle of nowhere and have a picnic in the wild while enjoying nature’s harmonies. Go for a walk in the park, rent bicycles and cycle together, hike a mountain or visit the museum. Whatever it is, it’s already special because you have each other.

 

4. Your Own Special Dayshutterstock_46189018

Valentine’s should not be the only day you express your love for each other. Pick a date besides an anniversary and make that your own monthly special-day celebration. Surprise each other with gifts, get away for the night or dress up and eat out. Treat this day like a country treats a national holiday and even have a name for it.

 

5. Fulfill your Promise

The broken plumbing system you’ve been promising to work on for the last month, the movie night you’ve been talking about having, the trip you’ve been planning on taking: do it already! There are so many things in life we plan to do but never get around them. Take the time to make good on your promises. It certainly goes a long way.

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6. Bring Sexy Back

Ditch the Safaricom promotion t-shirt, the hosiery you use to wrap your hair and the fluffy, warm winter socks you wear to bed. Buy some lingerie, a nice pair of high heels and an aphrodisiac scent; get into character and make an unforgettable night out of it. Treat him to a sensual massage, do a strip tease and perform that sexy dance and make it all about him.

 

7. Blast from the Past

All the special little things you did together when you met should not automatically go away now that you have been together for a while. Pursuing your partner doesn’t stop just because you got them. Continue to do all the things that earned you that special price; a person to cherish and it will only get better.

Finally, always remember to say I LOVE YOU.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Settling Into Happily Ever After Financially

Settling into life as a married couple takes some work. If you’re taking your husband’s last name, you must complete the name change in several places. You also have to discuss managing money as a couple and learn how to live together.

Check the Samantha organizer for the to-do list for those changing their last names: Once the name change is complete, you can now focus on managing money as a couple. “Money is often a tricky topic for new couples,” says Sam Goller, the author of “Yes, You Can… Achieve Financial Harmony.” “But it’s important to start communicating about money at the beginning of your marriage.” Goller offers the following suggestions for newlyweds working to manage their finances as a couple:

1.Determine priorities

Prior to creating a financial plan, talk about your histories with money and what’s most important to each of you when it comes to money.

2.Find missing cents

You have to understand your spending habits before you can spend money in a way that helps meet your goals. Consider keeping a spending journal to find out where your money really goes.

3.Choose a system that works for you

You may prefer to sit down each month as a couple to pay bills and develop a monthly budget. Or maybe one of you is better at handling expenses and prefers to do it alone. Find a system that works with your needs. “The key to managing money as a couple is to never stop talking,” says Goller. “With shared determination, a plan and open communication, newlyweds have the power to improve their financial position both now and well into retirement.”

4.Get Organized

If you are combining your finances, work together to create a budget that is realistic and that will work for you both.

– Don’t forget to establish an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses.

– Work together to eliminate debt – the closer you both are to being debt-free, the easier it will be to apply for a mortgage together.

– Create a dedicated and organized space where you can pay and store bills.

– Look for savings opportunities

5.Create Financial Goals

Working together to identify your financial goals, focus on both short-term plans, like buying your first home, and long-term plans, like when and where you want to retire.

Is consolidating your finances right for the two of you? Determine how your shared finances will be managed:

– Identify your short-term goals, such as buying a home or raising children.

– Start investing now to ensure maximum growth over time.

– Develop an integrated savings and investment plan for your long-term goals

– Commit to regular investing, made easy with various financial products on the market.

6.Update Your Insurance Plans

There are a number of types of insurance couples can consider at this time, including life, disability, and health insurance. Even if they both have coverage, now is a good time to review what they will need to cover their joint responsibilities.

Things to consider include:

– Reviewing beneficiary designations for insurance policies.

– Reviewing your health coverage insurance options and be sure your selections will cover relevant medical expenses (such as pre-natal care cost).

– Be sure your insurance coverage is updated to include all family members.

7.Create a Will

If you haven’t already thought about estate planning, will your spouse be provided for if something should happen to you? Establish or update your will to include your spouse.

8.Start an Education Savings Plan

If you are planning to start a family soon, you can start saving for your child’s education now. College costs are soaring but with a well thought out plan that’s in place early, your investments may have the time they need to keep up. Compare your options and choose a college savings vehicle. Commit to monthly savings. Even small monthly payments can add up over time.